Mmm-mm Moment

Pushed against a pattern today. In a small way that seems almost silly, but then that's why they're called baby steps, right?

After lunch (I've been cooking fresh food for myself the last week or two, which has been a great improvement over the long run of frozen and prepared food I've existed on the last few months; it never seemed worthwhile to cook for myself), I found myself craving a Cookie. And after knocking about all the cupboards, I couldn't find anything else that would satisfy my craving. So I restlessly pulled down my cookie cookbook (which I'd flipped through the last time I craved cookies and didn't make them) and found a recipe for Best Ever Chocolate Chip Cookies. Man, did that sound good.

Yet I did everything in my power to thwart myself from fulfilling my desire. Coming at it from a feeling of defeatedness before I even began, I looked for the slightest reason NOT to make cookies. Oh, too bad; I didn't have all the necessary ingredients. Oh wait--I do have baking soda. Not enough sugar... but I could raid the sugar bowl. In fact, if I halved the recipe (I certainly didn't need 6 dozen cookies!), I had just enough of everything I needed. Hmm... Well, there isn't enough time; it's only two hours until I leave for work. I looked at the recipe. I paced the four steps across our galley kitchen and back. It was too bad; I sure wished I could have a cookie.

Then I thought angrily, this is ridiculous! Why am I thinking two hours is not enough time? It was a micro-version of the feeling that the rest of my life is somehow not enough time to start something new. Or that a cookie-making detour was not worth the time it was going to take (unless I was ready to commit a whole day to baking--all the way or nothing!). Well, what else was I going to do for two hours? Next thing I knew I was in action; slowly at first, but then picking up speed and having more fun as I went--discovering I had pecans to throw in the mix; realizing I could use my big stand mixer. I suddenly remembered the time I journaled about making banana-nut bread; I'd forgotten the simple satisfaction of measuring, making, reaping edible results.

So, less than an hour after my "a-ha" moment, I was having a happy and satisfying "mmm-mm" moment with crispy chocolate chip pecan cookies, a glass of milk, and the next chapter of Prince Caspian!

Of course, after that all I wanted to do was take a nap!