Idiosyncracy

I learned something astonishing over the weekend... Tagalog (the Phillipine national language) doesn't use genders! You have to get it from context, or specific references to male or female persons. I was asking Mom to translate something when she explained this to me. "That's why we have so much trouble with 'she' and 'he'," she said.

Gramma had more trouble than Mom, and in my mind's eye I saw myself correcting her as she shook her head, annoyed at herself. I'd heard stories of what a sharp businesswoman she was in the Phillipines, seen photos of her successful shop, knew she'd been in political inner circles, but could never reconcile these things with the image of my perpetually befuddled grandmother. I knew her to be stubborn at best, manipulative at worst, and very proud. Granpapa made fun of her English, which made all of us kids angry, only his English was worse.

Suddenly a dozen tumblers in my head clicked into place and triggered a cascade of emotional reactions. In 34-1/2 years, why had I never known this? It was simultaneously eye-opening and confusing. Part of me saw my grandmother in a curious new light, while another part struggled with some feeling of betrayal, and another grieved for all these years laboring under misconception. Right now, I'm amazed and confused at the depth of my reaction at the simple discovery of an idiosyncracy in my mother's native tongue. It might not have made much of a difference, but I can't help feeling it would have made some difference.

And now, all of a sudden, I want to learn this language. I always wanted my future children to learn it, never hoping that I could even begin to decipher it at my age even if I had the dedication. I'm remembering, ironically, how much difficulty I have remembering the difference between two simple greetings (much less adapting to a system laden with gender pronouns!). But even a few words and phrases will be enough.