Ebullience

I'm costuming again. I feel so creative, powerful. Experimenting, problem-solving, getting inspired, figuring things out as I go. It's a heady feeling, discovering I am capable (like I felt wielding the air gun on the re-upholstered chair). But there's more. An ebullience, a lightness, lifting, excitement, anticipation... joy? Giddy, giggly in an I-can't-wait sort of way; it's going to look really good! But as always when I notice it, I am already trying to quell it, press it back down to flat neutrality. Why am I not allowed to feel excitement, anticipation? It's like when I first surfaced from depression and recognized a feeling I had not had in years... optimism. It feels like this. The obvious answer would be a recording like "don't get your hopes up". Don't we all know that one! But this--ebullience--I want to feel!