Notice how far you've come, not how far you still have to go!

Early this morning when Scott kissed me good-bye (my favorite part of every day), he asked where I was going to be today. When I told him I'd be home, he said he would try to come home early. I immediately felt loved. What I heard was that my being here is a good enough reason for him to come home, that he enjoys being home because of ME! I remember when he used to work late all the time. Even though he doesn't always make it home as early as he wishes, my perception is that now he wants to come home more than he wants to work late.

Yesterday I shared some "news and goods" about Scott in group and was reminded of how important it is to record them, to notice how far he's (we've) come. Then this morning in my devotional book I read: The memories of these special times are important reminders of God's love and goodness in our lives, and they need to be recorded for His glory and our encouragement.

So here are some more!
This weekend we went to the range to try out the club AR-15 Scott borrowed for me to learn. I kept noticing how patient and encouraging, relaxed and humorous he was with me, especially in places where I started to get frustrated or confused. Notice I said "started to"; his response diffused it right away. He told me how well I was doing and asked specific questions to help me. He treated me like a peer, made good suggestions and let me decide what I wanted to do next. This is what he's been like since he introduced me to his sport a few months ago. It's such a direct contrast to when he taught me to drive the boat almost four years ago. My experience of him then was impatient, frustrated and unable to understand what my problem was (although, a seed had already been planted from our early work with Marcie and I specifically remember him once calling out from behind the boat--after first criticizing me--"you're doing good, Hon!"). We do to others what was done to us, and Scott's dad was what he called a "negative coach": Scott got the most attention from him when he was doing it wrong, and hardly ever when he was doing it right. So at the end of the day when I shared all this with Scott and appreciated him for it, I told him it was important for him to notice, too. He's breaking a generational cycle, no easy feat, which gives me hope for our non-existent future kids, too.

By the way, I meant to tell him this as we were leaving the range, but I stopped with it on the tip of my tongue and asked instead whether he was ready to receive a compliment I wanted to give him. That's a switch for me, because I tend to just lay things on him without warning. He looked at me funny and replied, "I'm driving," which was just beautiful. In the old days he would have told me to spit it out, and here he was telling me in a roundabout way that he wanted to be in a position to hear me! I think he is getting better at receiving compliments, too. (We decided to wait until we got home.)

This weekend we had to replace our broken clothes washer. Now, with the exception of buying a house, for some reason we have always been a good team when it comes to shopping for major purchases like cars and appliances. But Saturday we hit a wall where I had my heart set on a machine that cost almost twice what Scott planned to spend. Every time he questioned me on it, I got defensive. Finally he said, "I'm just trying to understand why you're set on that particular machine." The clarity and honest in his words and tone interrupted my pattern and melted my defensiveness. I said quietly, "I'm trying to understand it, too." I realized that I wasn't even sure whether I really wanted the other machine, or was just stuck in a pattern of fighting for something he didn't want me to have. In the end we bought the less expensive machine, which it turns out I am ecstatically pleased with. And I thanked him for letting me work that out for myself.

When I notice how far he's come, it draws me farther. It used to be that my responses helped changed his. Now his are changing mine, too! It feels more than ever like a partnership in growth.