Crazy in Love

The past three weeks or so, I've been finding Scott (my husband) really attractive. Electrifying, even; I'm drawn to him, crazy in love! I've been appreciating him in bits, so tonight I finally shared this all with him.

One thing I've noticed over several weeks (maybe months) is that when Scott asks for me, I respond quickly (or at least tell him right away if I can't). It signifies a level of trust: I have faith that when he calls for me or asks me to do something, he has a good reason (vs. feeling like he's interrupting or demanding, or asking him why). Once he called for me and I came running, to find he just wanted to show me the neighbor's tree blooming, because he knew I'd like it! More recently I've noticed that he responds as quickly to me. He's also asking me for things that in his eyes only I can do, like alter his shooting jacket or help pay the bills. He asks in a way that expresses confidence in me, and I am really responding to that by stepping up (this week he talked me through paying all the bills myself, without either of us getting frustrated!). All these things make me feel treasured and esteemed; for the first time in our relationship I KNOW for SURE he thinks very highly of me.

Now that he is pursuing a hobby he really enjoys (marksmanship), it adds to his attractiveness. It's like he's putting more Scott-ness into the world. That instead of the guy that goes to work all day, then comes home and works around the house, I'm seeing a fuller picture of Scott. I absolutely love watching him at something that's play for him; it brings out facets I don't get to see in the hard working man. I love to see him laugh around the other guys, get excited (in his subdued fashion) when he does well, get totally absorbed in his hobby.

I feel almost like when we were dating; better, actually, full to bursting and content. I can't stop talking about him; little things make me think of him; thinking of him is exciting; and did I mention he is really damn sexy!

I told him all this in a less polished way, and am also writing it so that I don't forget. So that when I get crazy restimulated, I remember all this good. I told him that, too. THIS is the real thing, not the other way around. Amazingly, even though he declined to mirror me, he seemed able to receive; he assured me that he got it, and spontaneously appreciated me for it.

In group a few weeks ago, we talked about passion, how it's related to connection, if you could have it in the middle of all this work. Here it is!