05 July 2005

There's always more laundry

No matter what i do, there's always going to be more laundry.

defeatedness. i just want to win, i want to matter, vs.. no matter what i do it doesn't make a difference.

woke up this morning with clear thought: i have no reason to get up today.

life is a series of disconnected activities--work, laundry, sewing, fun or not. they don't fit into a scheme, purpose, reason for being. it's not like i'm trying to be a good housewife, can't see how it fits into a larger picture of making a comfortable home or building a career.

containment is becoming an exercise, vs. real curiousity. it looks, smells, feels, sounds like containment, but it's exhausting instead of connecting.

truth can be fierce. "you may not feel safe, AND you are safe, so go for it".

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