Oxygen

I can breathe! Those of you who've known me at least the last couple of years will understand that this is a fact of miraculous proportions. All evening I've been feeling strangely, uneasy even; and a few moments ago while energetically making up the bed around Scott it suddenly hit me: I have energy! Today was my first really good day in ages. I woke up, was alert all day, able to focus on tasks, and most noticeably did NOT experience my usual afternoon lethargic slump, the one where I just want to give up and pass out. It's the "excess" energy that's had me feeling almost restless all day--I had a lot more active hours than I was used to and didn't know what to do with them.

All week I've been waking up in the morning, asking God to help me breathe, and breathing as deeply as I can while I do. I had stopped asking for physical healing a long time ago, rationalizing that if God deemed it in my best interests, he would cure me, and knowing that in any case, I am constantly being healed ("curing" and "healing" not being the same thing). But a few weeks ago I realized this kind of prayer wasn't communicating my truth in any kind of vulnerable way. I was protecting myself from possible disappointment. So I got really vulnerable, and since then I've been training myself to keep asking, vs. giving up (which we learn to do at such an early age)... and pushing against my pattern of "rationing" my requests lest I ask for too much.